Back In Business

           First there were blizzards, then cold, rainy spring days, then an onslaught of tourists and oppressive heat, then a lovely, peaceful fall.  Now, nine months later, I just moved back to New York City from Provincetown.  I didn’t write much over the summer.  Too busy schlepping cocktails and chasing boys, I guess.  So I’m trying to stretch my writing muscles again.  My writing teacher, Nancy Kelton, has long exalted the praises of making lists.  Not grocery lists or to-do lists.  But lists.  Humorous, poignant, or otherwise.  So to help me get back in the writers’ room and with props to Nancy, I give you two lists.  “What Provincetown Gave Me” and “What Provincetown Taught Me.”  And no…#1 on the first list is not “An STD.” 

What Provincetown Gave Me 

1. The ability to appreciate time…in the winter, there’s a lot of it.
2. The ability to waste time…random sex and a bottle of wine can take a long time to finish.
3. A mad abandon of the real world.
4. An appreciation for the real world.
5. The generosity of strangers.
6. New friendships.
7. Dinners with friends.
8. Movies with friends.
9. Blackouts with friends.
10. A newfound love for Dancing With The Stars—what else is there to do on a Monday night in Provincetown in the winter?
11. A newfound love for springtime.
12. A newfound love for summertime and tourists.
13. And a better appreciation for autumn and the quiet.
14. Respect for Mother Nature…three blizzards in three weeks can wreak havoc on one’s mental stability.
15. Respect for Mother Nature in a different way…the Dick Dock can be quite dangerous during high tide.
16. Balance and creativity…you’d be surprised how the gays can come up with uniquely creative ways to have oral sex under the Dick Dock during high tide.
17. Community theatre.
18. Local talent shows.
19. Small town drama.
20. Long Sunday brunches at a bar overlooking the bay.
21. Bartenders with liberal pours.
22. Bayside Betsy’s and all the craziness that can ensue.
23. The Little Bar and all the crazies that roll in.
24. Stars! I even checked Barbra Streisand’s sister into our hotel.
25. Awkward silences.  I told her how much I enjoyed seeing her onstage in Streisand’s concert last year in Brooklyn.  Her response:  “I wasn’t there.”  Ouch.
26. The ability to walk down Commercial Street in the middle of winter and not see a single solitary soul.
27. And then in the summer to walk down the same street and have no less than fifteen different people yell out, “Hey Craig!”. 
28. Solitude.
29. Community.
30. Home. 

What Provincetown Taught Me 

1. Look up…you may miss the full moon.
2. Look up again…you can actually see the stars there.
3. Look both ways…even in Provincetown, you can get hit by a lesbian on a bike.
4. Turn around and cruise that hot guy on the street…he may be cruising too.
5. Order another vodka if the hot guy at the end of the bar is staring at you.
6. Don’t finish that last vodka if you can’t feel your feet.
7. Men can be jerks everywhere, not just in New York City.
8. The jerks are easier to spot in Provincetown…there’s not a lot to hide behind.
9. Sex in the gym is inevitable…no matter where you live.
10. I don’t like to cook.
11. When I try to cook, I always burn the garlic.
12. I don’t know how to turn off the smoke alarm after trying to cook. (Don’t worry, Ray and Jerry—only the garlic was burned)
13. Make friends who like to cook.
14. Life is painfully short…I learned that two men I went out with in the past died at the beginning of the year, so—
15. Don’t sweat the small shit.
16. And don’t sit around waiting on a dream to come true, because more often than not, the more you sit, the harder it is to get up.
17. Who knew that a fifteen minute trip out of town to Wendy’s could make a winter week suddenly so much better?
18. A dank, dark bar is not the place to solve your problems in the middle of the week in the middle of winter.
19. Yet sometimes, a dank, dark bar is just the right place to solve your problems in the middle of the week in the middle of winter…if you have the right bartender.
20. Working on the beach certainly helps, but work can suck anywhere at anytime.
21. Writing is easy.
22. Sitting down to write is hard.  Nothing sucks more than the blank screen…
23. Except self-doubt.
24. Immerse yourself in life.
25. Don’t let life immerse you.
26. New friendships can be cultivated at any age.
27. Old friends slip away.
28. New friends slip away.
29. But lifelong friends stay forever…
30. Just look the other way when you run into them at the Dick Dock.